And I am sure of this, that he who began a good work in you will bring it to completion at the day of Jesus Christ. (Philippians 1:6, ESV)
Today on the anniversary of Maggie’s death, we have had as much time to live with the reality of her death as we had the constant possibility of her dying of cancer. Four years of each. The writer in me looks for full circle moments – those times we find meaning in what takes the place of the happily-ever-afters. The writer’s view was not lost on me as I started to read through a bound copy of all our updates from Maggie’s journey between April 2014 and July 2018. I had to remind myself it wasn’t a rough draft with an ending open to revision. George MacDonald says, “God’s beginnings do not look like His endings, but they are like; the oak is in the acorn, though we cannot see it.” With that reminder, what jumped from the pages of her story – our story – was the picture of a seed cracking open in slow motion.
I offered a prayer on April 4, 2014 in an early post: “that we will all (Maggie, family, friends, doctors, nurses, staff) experience God in an intimate and life-altering way.” Be careful what you pray for, friends, because God allowed that to happen in a manner I didn’t see at the beginning or always sense along the path. But the shell was cracking, and the tree would emerge. It takes force for baby roots and tender shoots to break resistance. Some of those hard days were about nothing more than the agony of stage four cancer – enduring without the ability to prevent or relieve the suffering of my child. But more times than not my own suffering came from resisting the letting go of what I needed to shed. Make no mistake, we gain more by what we are willing to lose than what we hold. To paraphrase Oswald Chambers, God wanted me to unlearn some things in this trial (read more here).
I thought I understood God pretty well before April 2014. I thought I had the ability to grasp His ways. And this continued through much of Maggie’s illness and to some degree up to her death. I fired my questions at Him and expected the answers on my timetable. When He did answer, it was usually in response to questions I was not smart enough to ask. But most of the time, I heard silence. And what came out of that was better than an answer. I felt His hand in the darkness and saw His plan unfold into the light. I unlearned grasping for answers and received the strength of His hand.
My second unlearning might have been the hardest. I operated under the assumption that because He could heal her, He should heal her to display both greatness and goodness. Look how many people are watching, Lord. Go ahead and show your might! I even applied this years before her diagnosis by believing He would protect my children from threats like cancer simply because He could and my faithfulness deserved a comfortable life. But God’s goodness is never determined by what He does. It is who He is. I unlearned praying for my will and accepted the rightness of His.
And the last unlearning I’ll share is probably the most important. Prior to April 2014, I honestly thought I was exactly where I needed to be in my faith, especially with regard to sharing public expressions of it. I left the more high-profile jobs to trained ministers and extroverts around me. I had the hope within me, but it was rare for me to give an account of it. Like unripened crabapples cover the ground beneath my ailing tree, so are the lost opportunities I can never reattach to bring to usable fruit. I’m thankful for the medicine of suffering that will allow future growth to overshadow the waste. I unlearned hiding my own light and experienced the fullness of His.
This day for me is about remembering Maggie and all her journey has taught me. In my recent reading, I couldn’t help but be reminded of the growth in her life and faith – how one mighty oak started to break from the acorn. God knows she faced enough blows to crack the hardest seed. One year into her cancer battle, Maggie wrote, “I’m definitely not where I’d ever thought I’d be at this point in my life, but I’m where God wants me to be. And I’m learning to be content with that.”
When I wrote my first draft of what you’re reading, the original final paragraph was not quite right. I erased it. I sat a while, struggling to do what I had tried countless times with Maggie’s story – rewrite a better ending. I glanced through my notes several times before I realized I hadn’t finished the task that started it all. I had the final few updates yet to read. And as I did, I came to the post dated 7/19/2018 (full post here). We didn’t know it at the time, but it would be her last trip to Batson to attempt a chemo infusion. We were sent home due to counts too low to allow it. Her body was worn out.
As we drove through Richland for home, I glanced up to catch a charming bit of false advertising on a billboard. If you don’t like the life you have, paint a new one. I stewed on that one a while and vented in my update to you. “Somehow I don’t think that fluffy, hope-filled nugget will hold up well against life’s sharp edges and pointed biblical truth. A believer’s life is not about redecorating. It’s a radical re-making. The tool is closer to a jackhammer than a paintbrush. God places us exactly where He wants us in order to effect His greatest work. Painting may window-dress the mess for a while, but, eventually, real, raw, ravaged life will show through. That is, until He finishes.”
And then I quoted the exact scripture I had placed at the beginning of this post. And I closed with “delays, goodbyes, and disappointments chip away at our love for this world and fix a bit more of our affection in this next one to come. Maranatha.”
Maranatha. Our Lord, come! And He did, for her, twelve days later. In a way, He let me help write the ending.
Great words, thanks so much
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for sharing this. May our Lord continue to bring you comfort. Your testimony and Maggie’s continue to bring His hope to many.
I love you and am forever thankful for your faith and willingness to share. Maggie was the same-
When she smiled or shared you knew it would be something that your heart needed to hear. Thinking of you, Phil and Molly today especially.
Thank you, friend, for your constant support and friendship. I love you and appreciate the thoughts.
Thank you for continuing to read and encourage. It is my privilege and honor to share our story. I hope it does half as much for readers as it does for me to write.
I am grateful for the hard lessons your have shared in this beautifully written piece. I regret not knowing Maggie, but feel I get to know her a little more each time you or Phil share a story <3
Thank you, Jaime. We love sharing about her and all the lessons God brought to us through her journey!
I so needed this reminder, God’s ways are not always our ways, but his way is always best. Thank you so much for sharing your heart.
I’m so glad God could use this to speak to you. That simple fact is a miracle – how He takes one story and uses it to touch so many.
Once again God spoke to me through your words! Although this season I walk through is not the same as yours, it is…because you bring your reader in and share common ground that we all grapple with…. “we gain more by what we are willing to lose than what we hold.”
I’m thankful we share common ground, so we know instinctively how to encourage one another – and you do that so well, friend. Let me know how I can pray and encourage you.
Powerful words.
Thank you – God is always faithful to help me find them.
Thank you for so many heartfelt words about this journey your family found themselves taking. So much courage from God
Thank you for the encouraging words. We enjoyed our visit with you. I pray God continues to strengthen your health.
Even though we have not met, I think about you often. I have prayed for your family many times. I had hoped to meet Maggie. Your words help those of us who are touched in different ways by cancer.
Our walk with cancer involves a son-in-law. He had cancer as a child. It removed from the base of his brain when he was 15. He was told that he was cured. Around age 23 he met one of our daughters. After dating a couple years they married and were very happy together and had a son. After a while he became subdued, had head aches and then became violent. They separated last February and planned to divorce. In April she realized she was pregnant again. The courts did not finalize the divorce; waiting until the baby was born. She was born Nov. 8, 2021. By late October 2021 he had sought medical care for his severe headaches. His cancer had returned and was spreading. He has multiple lesions in his brain the size of hen eggs. His condition is terminal. He is mostly paralyzed. His lungs are failing. He is in his last days of his life. He is not my child but I have loved him very much. We do not pray for healing but for peace and absence of pain for him. I feel enormous grief. I ache for my daughter and her children. They are young and will not remember their daddy.
What a difficult road for you, your daughter, and her family. I pray you all sense the peace only God can give. We never have to walk through those dark days alone – and that is His greatest miracle for us.
Wow! Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for reading.
Thank you for taking the time to read and encourage.
Blessings to you and Phil. Love you!
Thank you – we love you and Mary!
Thank you so much for sharing this Melissa. You never know how many lives you touch by sharing your words.
Thank you for your comments. I do pray others are touched at least half as much as God touches me as He helps me find words to share our journey.
Absolutely beautifully written sweet friend! ❤️ Oh how God’s ways are so different from ours. He wrote a story of faith, hope, courage and unwavering belief in our precious Maggie. She truly loved everyone she met. She could make you smile every time you saw her. She pointed everyone to her Savior with all that was in her. What a gift she was to all of us. I am so blessed for having known her and I long for the day that I see her again. I love y’all.
Oh Kristi – what a special part of her story you’ve been from the darkest days for both of you and continuing to the present. Thank you for remembering her and remaining faithful in your own suffering. We love you!
Thank you so much for your openness and transparency. It ministers to my heart. I think of Maggie so often and when I do she is always smiling. A precious gentle spirit one couldn’t help but love instantly. To think of what Maggie is doing now is thrilling. And to think of the wonderful reunion is unimaginable. Love and continued prayers for her sweet mom and family! ❤️❤️❤️
Thank you, Crystal. You and your precious family were such a part of her life. We love having you to celebrate her with us and remember.
God’s ways of shaping us are always best, but often unexpected, challenging, and change us forever. Your ability to put that into words is incredible. What an amazing gift of writing God has given you to give Him glory and show Christ to others. Maggie was such a beautiful, precious soul. Love and prayers for you all.
Thank you, Julie. For these words, your testimony and faithfulness in suffering and for your impact on Maggie’s life. God if faithful!
Melissa as I picked up my iPad to catch up on the news, sports and weather this am, I always stop on postings by close friends as it may contain important news about their life events. I definitely stopped on yours as the Hanberry gang has touched my heart more than you’ll ever know. There is, of course, no accidents in God’s kingdom works! I begin facilitating a grief/loss group at my home church Tonight! Although those who are lost in this world would say that the anniversary of Maggie’s homegoing and the New Beginning for those experiencing loss and seeking common ground with the like-minded or the like-hearted…is just coincidence, but we know better! Thank you Melissa for your brutal honesty about losing Maggie! This is of course, a reminder again that when we love so deeply, we should handle of the mantle handed over to us to “crack that shell” with eager anticipation! Love to Marvelous Molly, Magnificent Melissa, and Phabulous Phil!
Greg, we love you and thank you for such words of encouragement. Yes to everything you said! I’m so thankful to hear you’ll be leading a grief support group. Please feel free to share my website with them – grief is a recurring theme and the whole concept behind “Leaf by Leaf” is the beauty we gain through loss. Prayers for you as you start – may God’s presence be experienced.