Why does God let a child suffer?

Suffering in a child is never easy to witness. As parents, we long to shield our children from any source of trouble or anguish. But suffering may be the very instrument God has chosen to bring your child into a vital, loving relationship with Him. For their eternal best interests, we must avoid interfering in this process.

How do you tell a room full of parents God’s plan for their children is to suffer – at some point, to some degree, for some duration, in some form? And when we provide what we desperately want to give, we may deprive them of God’s best? If we make their lives too comfortable, they may not hear God speak to them? How do you say that?

I found myself pondering last Wednesday morning, preparing notes for a parenting class, longing to concentrate 25 years of experience into a weighty layer of crystalline truth. How do you encourage other parents to trust God enough to release their grip as they place a child in His Hands for his/her own good and His glory?

I searched scripture and found, once again, that God had completed the distillation before I needed it. Romans 5:3-5 reads like a perfectly balanced chemical equation, raw materials to finished products. We’re told that suffering yields endurance, endurance yields proven character, and proven character yields hope. But, honestly, do we want to offer up our children to an experiment, even in the hands of God? Shouldn’t we protect them from adversity as much as we can? Aren’t we doing our job when we pray for their protection? Remove them from the flames (if we can) on our timeline? And aren’t we justified, at least a little, when we question a God who would allow them to suffer?

Matthew Henry says, “We shouldn’t as much pray for the suffering to be removed as for wisdom to make a right use it.” A right use? What is a right use of suffering? In the short term, because we’re made to reflect God’s glory, we struggle to understand that even small imperfections or impurities in us distort; but they do. The language of “producing endurance” involves a proofing or testing by fire to purify. The object that emerges from the flames is perfected. As the imperfections are removed, the picture of Christ becomes clear. The load is lightened by loss of things that weigh us down (Hebrews 12:2).

And then there is the long, eternal view: the hope produced as character is proven. We often use the word hope as if an outcome belongs more to blind fate than God’s providence. But biblical hope is an expectation of what is sure. Even the English word conveys the idea of opening the eyes wide and watching for what is to come. And what is that? 2 Corinthians 4:17 tells us it is an “eternal weight of glory” – a prize of incomparable worth and vast heaviness claimed through affliction. The ability to grasp our hope comes only as a result of our suffering, not despite, and not without. In perfect divine symmetry, we lose the weight of our sinful nature through momentary adversity to build strength to embrace the weight of God’s eternal glory.

Spurgeon says about Romans 5:3-5, “This passage can only be fully understood by those who have had it written in capital letters on their own hearts.” Oh, how I longed for Maggie to be able to stand and give this part of the talk. To bear witness to the purifying, clarifying flames of adversity. And then I remembered her journals. I had challenged her to keep a record of her journey for just this purpose. To allow her pain to be redeemed for God’s glory. To “make a right use of” of her suffering. And as I spoke Wednesday night, I concluded with the perspective of a 16-year-old, Maggie’s thoughts, expressed as she looked back over 2014 (the year she was diagnosed with stage IV colorectal cancer):

Maggie writing in her journal

The greatest lesson learned this year is that God is always in control and He will always hold us. Even though much of the year was terrible, it’s been one of the best years of my life. I’ve grown closer to old friends. I’ve made new ones. I’ve grown closer to Christ than ever before. I’ve had so many incredible experiences. I’ve learned so much about myself and what I’m capable of. I found true joy in Christ. Looking back on my year, it’s insane. I’ve hated it and loved it. I’ve laughed and I’ve cried. I wouldn’t go back and do it again, but I wouldn’t change it – all that I’ve learned, done, felt. It has made me a better person. I’m wiser, stronger, better. I hope 2015 is another year of learning and growing, dreaming and doing, seeking and finding. I hope 2015 is a year that makes 2014 worth it. I hope that in 2015, I continue to become the person that I strive to be. Because every day, week, month, year, shapes us into who we are. We decide how we want it to shape us. But whether it’s been a great year or a terrible one, we will not be the same.

I hope.

Maggie would never have learned those lessons without the presence of adversity in her life. Why does God let a child suffer? The same reason He allows any of His children to suffer: to lead them into deeper fellowship with Him. To instill character and hope.

Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. Hebrews 12:1

For more on hope:

Planting with Hope