After Maggie’s second liver resection, we followed her bed as she was wheeled from recovery to 2C. 2C? We were expecting the fifth floor but were told she needed closer monitoring in a step-down unit. The floor was at capacity, so we landed in a smaller-than-typical room. A private room with a close neighbor. This particular neighbor was a special needs patient without a family member willing to stay with her. Her door stayed open continually. And she made loud noises. Continually. Two nights of sleepless frustration left me with concern for Maggie’s rest and a full-blown, wallowing bout of misery. And as sure as misery loves company, self-pity seeks a target. I was in full crusade mode before I realized it.
Self-pity. We all know the dictionary definition and what it looks like in others. It’s a bit harder to recognize it residing inside due to its knack for morphing into the shape of its host. It brings individualized self-absorption and a recipe for depression. It is a micro-manager of thoughts, mingling facts with distortions; a scrapbook of remembered, cherished wrongs and sufferings; a carrier of an enemies list in one hand and a never satisfied petition for change in the other; an author of its own grievances nailed to heaven’s door; a robber of joy; and a denier of truth.
You may know it by its speech. This is not fair; you don’t know what I’m going through; it’s (fill in the blank) fault; someone needs to pay; I deserve better; I don’t deserve this; I didn’t get what I wanted. It speaks the language of entitlement. Self-pity resides squarely in victimhood and never rises to amount to anything near a solution or even the comfort it professes to offer. It wallows when it moves. It clamors and rails when it talks. It spews a toxic brew that will marinate others in discomfort and darkness.
Self pity swept me up and carried me to its lonely wilderness before I realized where I was headed. And I had been forewarned. The previous week I read a quote by Oswald Chambers urging “beware of allowing your self-awareness to continue, because slowly but surely it will awaken self-pity, and self-pity is satanic.” Satanic? A tad dramatic, don’t you think? Unproductive, yes. But a sin? Well, maybe a small sin. But outright satanic? Thomas Brooks says, “There is more evil in the least sin than in the greatest affliction.”
Have you been there? Have you found yourself looking at your circumstances instead of the One who allows them, seeking to blame someone, anyone, for your pain? For me, fatigue and isolation seem to set the stage for a visit by despondency. Even though I’m not alone in the tendency to grumble – Moses, Elijah, and Jonah in the Old Testament spent time in its grip – it’s a lonely fellowship in the wilderness beneath those scraggly bushes. I want a way out.
Alexander McLarin said, “It is much easier to get down into the pit than to struggle out of it.” But we can. The first step is to stop listening to the voice of the victim. Rebuke the evil one who is the father of lies. Pray for deliverance. Change thought patterns by quoting scripture (Finally, brethren, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is of good repute, if there is any excellence and if anything worthy of praise, dwell on these things. Phil 4:8) Confide your struggle in a friend. This is not a battle to enter alone.
I know self-pity is a weakness for me. I just failed to prepare for the attack during a particularly stressful period. I’m challenged in thinking of Nehemiah’s response to vulnerabilities in defense. Until the torn walls could be repaired, he offered prayer and placed guards to watch day and night. (Nehemiah 4:9) Last Friday was a low point. After Phil left for work, I fell into a troubled sleep. I dreamed he returned to the room and knelt by my bed and prayed over me. At that moment, he was in his office doing just that. Place sentries (family, friends) to watch over those well-worn paths to your weakness.
Breaking free also involves positive action. Express gratitude constantly (In everything give thanks; for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. I Thess. 5:18). Find the joy however small. Finally, take the “self” from the equation and allow “pity” (originally from the word piety, or godliness) to reach out from a hurting heart to the hurting world all around. In so doing, we are promised the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Phil. 4:7
Thank you, my sister, for this powerful reminder. Much love to you all!
Such a timly message. I too have had to pay attention to the fact that I was sinking into self pity and depression recently. Thankfully I caught myself with a bit pf help from Priscilla Shirer’s Armor of God Bible study.
I have some health issues that Satan uses to discourage me at times. I’m thankful for the study coming my way just when I needed it. God is so good to supply help when we need it.
you should certainly bless your heart that you are at UMC an not ST Dom. When my wife was dying of Ovarian Cancer there, there was no compassion on the hearts of our oncologist…or any of his staff. They brushed us off to Hospice with the tone of “well I guess that you can go get a ice cream now.” cause the chemo is over.. No praying with us, cryin with us, and even “being human” with us. As bad as it sounds, you are definenlty where you need to be. Find Joy in that you are getting the best care available with people who have a heart to serve Christ…they will bust up your pity party and get you back on track! Love al!!!
Thank you. I very much needed this reminder.
Thank you for sharing your courage and Love for Christ! This was a powerful reminder for me and I thank you for words. Nan Parker Wilson
Your words were something I needed to hear. Thank you . Prayers for Maggie and all??
It’s amazing Melissa…..you always touch my heart (and step on my toes ?) with your blogs. THANK YOU for sharing…..continued prayers for y’all
WOW!!! I screen shot this to keep for future reference when self pity comes to call. ( and it does too often) Thanking God for your wonderful gift of words! Thanks for sharing! ???????
Thank you for reminder of how the enemy creeps in and absorbs our thoughts to lead to destruction. I am praying for you, and I found this timely in my own life. God always knows what we need, and your thoughts are perfectly written and expressed.
That Chambers quote hit me like a ton of bricks when I read it a few days ago!!! Thank you for being faithful to sharing what God places on your heart! You can’t imagine how your words and your heart minister to me!!! Love you all and continued prayers for God to heal our sweet Maggie❤️!!!
Nobody speaks this definition of self-pity better than you AND the antidote! Oh it’s easy to sit in the pit. Strengthened, smart to go to the source of everything we need, God Almighty and listen and the share w us! You are an amazing display of our Father. I pray continued strength and devotion to the One who is everything we need.
Amazing message that I certainly needed to hear! It was so good to meet you on my delivery (flowers from Blooms). I have been praying for all of you long before our meeting and will continue to do so!
Thank you Melissa. We needed that word today. We are praying for you all.
Thank you for this powerful message. I’m sure everyone could benefit from it. We have all been there, done that. Praying!
Wow, just WOW! Your transparency truly hit home with me in this VERY moment. Thank you for allowing The Lord to use your gift of writing to speak TRUTH.
I love you!
Many thanks!!!!