He it is who makes the clouds rise at the end of the earth, who makes lightnings for the rain and brings forth the wind from his storehouses. Psalm 135:7 (ESV)
I find myself hoping for windy days. I have two sets of wind chimes now – memorials to Maggie and my mom. I call each by its namesake and address them with a “good morning” or “hello” when they ring for attention. I can’t think of a better way to remember two women who learned to take the strongest storm and make something useful and beautiful. They shared more than eye color (green), birth month (May), and a biting sense of humor. They each had talent for music. “Maggie” sings in the key of C from a sheltered corner of the deck outside my office window, while “Nanny”, true to form, takes center stage on the front porch. The deeper, richer tones of her scale carry farther, so I hear her more often. But one sweet spot in the house allows me a rare treat: their sweet duet.
I have my own history with wind, and it doesn’t involve singing or dancing. Solomon writing in Ecclesiastes labels his relentless pursuit of knowledge “chasing the wind,”, or in some translations, “feeding on the wind.” For me, it takes the form of asking questions for which I’ve no legitimate claim to the answers. Solomon’s identification of the futility of his search is his regular refrain through the pages of what reads like a memoir of regret. Whichever the exact meaning, I, like Solomon, am left empty-handed and malnourished. But that doesn’t keep the questions from coming.
Maggie’s early death left me sitting in the audience wondering why the curtain dropped in the middle of a perfect production. Why, Lord? Why did You take her so young and too soon? And in a twist of irony, a mirror image was still staring at me. For nearly two years after Maggie’s death and ten years into the slow ebb of Alzheimer’s, there sat my mom holding onto what I struggled to call life. Why is she still here, and does she even remember You, Lord? As I’m prone to do, I rehashed this thought a thousand times. I buried it once when prompted by a reprimand straight from scripture. Jesus’ words to Peter spoke to me. If I want him to remain until I come, what is that to you? You follow Me! (John 21:22, NASB) But setbacks would breathe new life into my quest to understand.
I thought I had reached acceptance status, if there is such a place, in my grief for Maggie when I got the call last summer that mom had been admitted to the hospital, kidneys and heart failing. Grief, scratched to aching, fresh rawness, leaves no ground undisturbed in its pursuit of questions to keep it company at night and answers to give it sleep. I dug them all up again. Why had Mom’s life lingered too long while Maggie’s was barely starting to bloom? Why had one experienced a full life only to forget most of it, including the disciplines of her faith, while another…, well, you get the idea.
Mom’s stay in the hospital stretched into a ten-day miracle. Her mind became clearer than it had been in years. We laughed at her jokes, marveling anew how a keen sense of humor survives the erasure of most abilities. We welcomed nurses and techs returning to her room for one last goodbye at shift change. They couldn’t get enough of her sweet spirit, kindness, and gratitude. “She thanks us for everything we do. We just love her.” And she would tell each one she loved them. One evening as we sat alone, I could sense she was tired and in pain. As if looking past what she was around her, she said, “I’m ready to see My Master.” Those words were music to my soul. She went home on hospice and went Home in faith the following week.
God’s ways are mysterious. He takes the young and places them in a fiery furnace to refine and define faith for a world watching that brief and glorious moment. Then they exit stage left and remain with us only in the retelling. He leaves the aged to point us to Heaven as their vision for this world fades and sharpens for the next. As George Whitefield says, “We are immortal until our work on earth is done.” God alone will decide a life’s “use by” date. I compromise my own purpose and botch the ill-fitting job when I step into His place as judge, dismissing one life that He has yet to fully use and clinging to another that is already fulfilled in its chief end.
When the air is starved of motion, I revive those questions to fill the silence. The whys and why nots stretch and prod my faith toward acceptance. After wrestling, I return them to the dust. Someday, as faith becomes closer to sight, I know I’ll bury them for good. In the meantime, I keep hoping for windy days. For when a stiff breeze blows doubts aside and stirs dangling metal to life, it sends one joyful song flowing down from dueling wind chimes. And in singing their song of praise, they silence my questions and teach me the secret of teasing music from the wind.
Melissa, you are amazing!!
Thank you for reading and offering your kind words.
Your writing skills are beyond great! God uses you in a wonderful way to show us what faith in God is.
Thank you for your gracious words!
Beautiful words ! God is in charge someday we will learn this. I pray for a breeze also. Please write more🙏
Thank you for this encouragement! I’m ready to write regularly again.
You are truly gifted and I so enjoy reading your writings. Thank you for sharing this.
Thank you, Karen. Your encouragement (from one who understands the storms) means so much.
This is simply beautiful! One of my favorites you’ve ever written… I so relate to those deep moments of questioning trying to find the logic in the midst of the chaos…can’t wait to sit at the feet of Jesus and have those scales removed my eyes…it will all make perfect sense on that amazing day ❤️
Thank you for this encouraging word! Yes, one glorious day!
Your thoughts are so beautifully expressed here Melissa. I am always so touched and blessed. Thank you for this duet.
Thank you for reading and offering encouraging words.
Wonderful words of wisdom. ❤️❤️
Thank you!
Beautiful, beautiful!!! Such wonderful words of wisdom. Thanks for sharing your writings and thoughts! Love you.
Thank you! I’m touched to hear such encouragement from one who’s wisdom and kindness inspire me.
This is beyond amazing! Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
Thank you for reading and encouraging so faithfully!
You have a way with words that encourage me to keep going when all I feel is despair. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for reading. We have to work at it some days – to keep going. I’m grateful you are encouraged.
Beautifully written. Thank you for sharing.
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. The encouragement means so much.
You have such a beautiful gift in writing your thoughts and feelings and in painting that picture with words . At some point I think so many of us have had these and very similar questions . I cried as I read how your journey has been going and how you have grown in strength and acceptance through faith .
Thank you for reading and taking time to encourage me with your kind words.
Absolutely beautiful words and promises from scripture. I too have wind chimes that remind me of my Angels in Heaven. They were all gifts that truly taught me more about Jesus, strength and Courage. I am blessed to have a glimpse of Heaven through these precious ones. Thank you for sharing this with me. Love you ❤️
Thank you for reading and sharing!
Wow. I sit here in tears, asking those very same questions all the time about why my dad was taken so young and never got to see his grandchildren grow up or meet his great grandchildren…and my sweet momma is struggling on at 89 years old with multiple health issues and dementia. May I have peace and patience though these days and remember God’s presence when my wind chimes make music with the wind!!! Thank you ❤️
Thank you for reading and taking time to comment. I pray you do have patience and peace in the middle of your own difficult days. Keep listening for the music!
I love this. Thank you for sharing!
Thank you for taking the time to read and comment. It’s such an encouragement.
Wind chimes❤️ Melissa, thank you for answering God’s call to use the gift of writing He has given you. I love you!
Thank you for consistent support and encouragement. I hope you’re hearing the music in your challenging days!
Thank you for such a beautiful reminder to not miss God’s simple ways of comfort and encouragement. I love the sound of my wind chimes for they remind of God’s presence as the wind blows through them but now they will be a reminder of so much more.
I’m in tears reading the beautiful words you have penned and seeing your perseverance through the storms of life. Thank you for allowing God to use you to inspire me and many others.
You are truly a gifted writer, Melissa. Thank you for sharing your journey.
God has certainly gifted you with words, Melissa. I remember having Maggie in 6th grade Bible fellowship. She was such a joy. I can relate to your Mom’s struggle with Alzheimer’s. My Dad went through this as well. It is so wonderful how you got to share those last few days with her being lucid. Thank you for sharing your words with us and your journey through the grief. May God give you comfort each and every day.
Melissa, this is so beautiful!!! You have been on my mind and In my prayers during this time! Thank you again for sharing your journey and always pointing to Christ knowing that although we don’t have the answer He does and that’s where peace is found when we don’t understand! ❤️❤️❤️
Melissa, Debbie Mc shared this with me. Thank you for your wonderful words. I smiled at the remembrance of your mom. She was dear to me. I share your grief and questions concerning Maggie. I guess we can ask Jesus when we get to be with them. I love you so much. I’m going to surprise you one day and call and come for a visit.