We know when tears entered the human race. It’s impossible to imagine Adam and Eve, banished from paradise, dry-eyed and unmoved as they packed for a home among the thorns. Laughter? We don’t have the slightest clue about the first joke, mishap, or self-deprecating comment to elicit a giggle from our ancestors. We do know delight produces mirth, so I picture an Eden filled with happy sounds of every kind. Isn’t it just like our Creator to let the human race first taste laughter before tears? And how amazing He prepared us for grief by fitting us first with the ability to laugh.
The Gift of Laughter
Earlier this year, ticket sales opened for a special night at Temple. Maggie’s favorite comedian, Tim Hawkins, scheduled a show at our home church. We had to buy them, didn’t we? We went one better than that ordering four “Uber Fan” package tickets with reserved seating and back stage passes to meet the king of clean comedy. Maggie was over-the-moon excited to see the show and meet the man. After all, his DVDs had entertained her through countless hours of painful treatment. The date of the big event? Sunday, September 30, 2018. Last night. Phil, Molly, and I decided we needed the light-hearted evening. I silently wondered if the jokes would lift our mood or fall flat on grief-tender spirits. We love humor and rely on this powerful antidote to cover a multitude of poisons. But how would it taste mixed with fresh tears?
A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries up the bones (Proverbs 17:22). Laughter removes the bandage and pronounces the wound healed. Yes, mourning has a time and place. But left raw and unalloyed with lighter moments, grief allows the dry, searing wind of its bitter climate to drive the very life from within. Our tears are necessary and noticed by God as Psalms 56:8 tells us He stores them in a jar. But that which is bottled is quantified and, thus, limited. Laughter? Just try to capture and put a lid on it. Though our tears will meet their Waterloo in heaven, I have a hunch heaven will be filled with unfettered and very vocal joy.
In a paradox I can’t begin to explain, Maggie’s experience with cancer swept away her overly sensitive nature and replaced it with a formidable sense of humor. Once again, she bloomed. She laughed frequently and deeply. A witty, sometimes tart, never profane, rarely hurtful ability to joke repeatedly pulled her thoughts from a black hole of self-pity and depression. In true Tim Hawkins fashion, we composed parody songs to occupy time and lift spirits. She did shed her share of tears. But laughter is never beyond the reach of hearts desperate to hold on to hope and joy.
Tim Hawkins shares the story from his early career. Asked to add his favorite verse to an autograph, he mistakenly wrote Psalm 38:7. He then repeated the reference for all others in line. Only later at home did he check the verse and find, to his embarrassment, this: “Lo, I have a painful disease in my loins.” Maggie loved the story and found the irony in her own life too rich to ignore. She delighted in sharing it as her life verse.
Laughter Brings Joy
So, we went to the show last night. We found our seats on the first row, dead center. In our enthusiasm to get tickets, we were the first of over 2000 to buy. That was our first laugh but far from the last. We laughed out loud until our innards ached. And quite unexpectedly, I felt closer to my girl in those few hours than in the sum of all my tear-soaked moments since her death. That giant dose of medicine healed our hearts a little more and lightened our spirits with what author Ann Lamott calls “carbonated holiness”. Bringing us closer to Maggie without wishing her back with us. Another foretaste of glory. Laughter. A beautiful life should echo, not in our weeping, but in our joy.
Oh melissa every time I read your posts there is a familiar thing I am going through. We too bought tickets and gave them to the kids and my mom for Christmas last year. She was looking forward to it so much. We had seen him in concert before but she had only seen him in all the videos we have bought. I struggled with going for I too wondered if it would bring too many feelings of disappointment that she wouldn’t be with us like we had planned. But like you said laughter was so good and I just kept thinking I bet she would have loved this. Thank you for your open heart to share with all of us.
What a joy as Christians we can laugh even in times of grief and sorrow because we know there is so much more!!!
Praise God for the gift of laughter!!! We will never forget Maggie’s constant smile and ability to laugh which is a testimony to where her hope is!!! I’m so thankful y’all opted for a lighthearted evening!!! It was so much fun!!! ❤️
Laughter IS good for the soul. I’m sure you three needed that!
I had a ball and thought about her being there laughing her head off. I know how much she loved him. I know how weird you must have thought it might be going and laughing without her…but, I am so glad y’all did and like you said, it lightened hearts that needed to smile some. I love you and pray for y’all daily. I have found that grieving doesn’t really have a start and finish. When we lose those we love, we just never stop grieving for them and I find myself sometimes randomly missing our parents that have been gone for years and I never know when that might happen so I think we just go with it and cry when we need to cry and laugh when we can laugh. I love you and am so glad you had such a good night and found you can laugh again! 🙂