Maggie and I are home after a long last day of a three day admission. The chemo infusion was uneventful – even a bit better than most in terms of discomfort (nausea, skin irritation). She was due for her pentamidine (normally given via breathing treatment) which is a prophylactic antibiotic (standard therapy for all CCC patients). This time she requested the medicine via IV to cut down on the nausea it causes her so soon after chemo. Well, let’s say if didn’t go as planned. She quickly became violently nauseated and had to have the IV paused and then slowed WAY down. Thus, our long day. But she’s resting comfortably in bed as I write.
Her CEA did show a noticeable spike this week. It had been holding within a steady range of 4.5 – 5.5 for the last six weeks. The current reading is 8.99. This tumor marker can indicate new growth/tumor progression but can be elevated for benign reasons. We’re always cautioned not to read too much into it. It is a concern given persistent pain she is having in her back (liver region). We will have scans on January 9th (regularly scheduled) for the complete picture. We’ll be praying for peace, trust and calmness during the waiting period.
Like you, my thoughts have turned to a year-in-review vein. 2017 was a tough one. Maggie and I agreed it was the most difficult since her diagnosis. Tumor progression in the liver took us to UAB for a brush with death then on to MD Anderson for a new direction in treatment. A bend in the road in Houston brought us back to the starting point, to Batson.
T.S. Eliot wrote (Four Quartets):
“We shall not cease from exploration
And the end of all our exploring
Will be to arrive where we started
And know the place for the first time.”
We can’t un-walk the difficult steps, un-cry tears of grief and frustration, un-feel loss and discouragement. We can’t go back and change 2017. But, when God allows us to return, we do so with new eyes and a different heart.
The Batson PICU waiting area is within the main first floor hallway outside the elevators. I pass through it numerous times during our stay. Yesterday I noticed a large group waiting together. Their family member – a child – was fighting for his/her life in the ICU. When the elevators delivered me to the first floor on my way to load the car this evening, I heard crying, actually, wailing, from the waiting area. The family members were lost in shock, grief, and each others embrace. I silently prayed as I moved on through. I loaded our stuff then made my way back toward the elevators. In the long hallway approach to the waiting area, I passed an older couple who had broken off from the grieving group. I overheard the woman tell her companion: “I told them it’s just God’s way.”
This year, 2017, any year, all we can say when we look back, revisit the hard parts, smile again at the sweetness, laugh again at the funny, cry again at the pain, is it’s just God’s way.
The LORD is righteous in all His ways And kind in all His deeds. Psalm 145:17
I’m so inspired by your words tonight. You and Maggie and Phil and Molly have been faithful through everyday- the tough moments and the good days. How many of us have been challenged and encouraged by your faith. I feel so blessed that we are friends and I pray for much time together and “normal” days in 2018
So true. You are still learning as you continue on this journey. Keep the faith! Lots of folks love you and are praying for you. ????
tears! Don’t ever erase this blog…I go back here time and time again to reread your words, Melissa, and will forever!…they are healing for so many of us! Love you all!
So very concerned. Will pray the liver can be removed or replaced,if things don’t go well. You are very correct about in Gods hands keep
Keep the faith and don’t forget it is in Gods hands! Many prayers!
God works in mysterious ways.
God has a purpose for every season of life. We may not know the true purpose this side of heaven but we do know He is with us. His presence surrounds us & holds us hostage in his love and comfort. My prayers continue for you all.
Your strength and grace are evidence of God at work in your life. Praying for sweet Maggie and for each of you.
The Lord is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him. Lamentations 3:25
I pray for you all everyday. Praying that 2018 is a better year!! Much love!!
With all our hearts we hope you all know how loved you guys are. My 2017 was a blessing because of the Hanberry Family!
Wonderful post, Melissa! God Bless and Keep your sweet family. Still praying for you all.
Brad
Y’all’s faith is so amazing and so encouraging…..
Continued prayers…..????????????????????????????????
We will be praying the scans on the 9th reveal healing and God’s miracles working in Maggie as only He can!!! We love and cherish you all!!! Praying!!!
Such profound words. God is present always. Praying you through ????????
Maggie is such an inspiration! And maybe even more so you, Phil and Molly because it’s probably harder for you to sit by and watch your beloved one suffer. But your strong faith in Christ amazes all who witness it. Praying always!
Prayers going up ending this year and prayers continue in the coming year. Blessings to you all in 2018.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” Romans 15:13. Praying for you all continually. Much love ❤️ and ????
I am praying for peace and rest for Maggie and her family. I find your words so reassuring that God has given you the faith to walk along with him during your triumphs and pain. God bless the Handberrys and be merciful to you all.
Amen. May God grant your request for peace, trust and calmness in the power of His Holy Spirit.
Praying for you. Especially, for a peace that passes all understanding as you prepare for testing in Jan. 9.
You do not know me, but I am a friend of Janet Shearer’s. You have many other brothers and sisters whom you do not know that are praying with you on your journey; we care for you very much. Your lives glorify God and His sovereignty. I pray for your peace, encouragement, faith and healing and an abiding joy in the midst of difficult circumstances. May God make His face to shine on you and be gracious to you.
Love in Christ,