“Blessed is a man who perseveres under trial; for once he has been approved, he will receive the crown of life which the Lord has promised to those who love Him.” James 1:12

Do you think Mick Jagger had a disappointing trip to a donut shop in mind when he penned his iconic ballad of disillusionment? I’m not sure, but I can tell you I felt more sympathy coming from him across the years and untold miles than from the passenger seat as we pulled out of Dunkin’ Donuts.  Maggie couldn’t believe I made such a big deal over the empty tray where my favorite donuts should have been. Instead of a beloved glazed old-fashioned, my little white bag held a booby prize thinly disguised with sugar. Her bag held her first choice. The gulf of misunderstanding between us was wide. Cue the Stones: You can’t always get what you want.

Later that day Maggie received a package containing the highly anticipated first two season DVDs of her favorite show with a bonus track filmed in Disney World. Except the package didn’t contain the Disney episode. You know, the one episode that had prompted the order. Now, you understand my donuts, Maggie?

I have never been the type to ask why do bad things happen to good people. My Christian worldview allows for sickness and sadness in the world as a result of the fall. I get that. I just don’t know why cancer happened to Maggie. And why having a child with cancer happened to me. We’ve been faithful. And shouldn’t faithfulness be rewarded with, if not good health, at least nothing too serious or painful to endure?

As Christians, we generally tiptoe around the issue of disappointment with God. We may cry foul then look over our shoulder for the lightning bolt of discipline. Rarely do we look closely into our little white bag of discomfort to find what else might be there. A.W. Tozer said, “It is doubtful whether God can bless a man greatly until He has hurt him deeply.” Would God really award such a prize as the crown of life as cheaply as I had assumed? Is an unproven, untested love worthy of Him even the smallest bit?

If Tozer’s assertion is correct, what I have always thought of as God’s blessing in my life were really something settled for; a lesser prize grasped by one who had suffered much too little. I cannot comprehend a reward great enough to render soul-rattling anguish forgotten. So, I’ve settled and been quite content in a consolation prize given to one only willing to suffer a little. Or to one who has, wrongly, thought she suffered much. Until now.

I’m now learning to trust, not because experience has taught me to and not for the blessing or reward imparted, but because there is nothing remaining except to trust. And the more I trust, the more I find it is the reward.

Let’s give Jagger some credit for insight. We can’t always get what we want, with donuts, DVDs, or the more significant matters of life. But if we try, we see we get so much more. We get what we need.